Picking Up The Pieces
It's kinda funny how your perspective on life, your family, your job and what truly matters can change in an instant. A few nights ago, Josh and I worked on a really fun science unit for my kiddos. I loved spending that time with him. It took me back to the carefree days of dating. The stressfree nights when we just spent our time getting to know each other. We work really well together and we have ALWAYS been a great team. The countless hours for this science unit paid off! It was super engaging and if anything, I hope that my kiddos have grown a LOVE FOR LEARNING.
I was probably more excited than the kids were to get going with our day. They walked in and I said, "We are NOT doing anything exciting today. We are NOT going to have any fun today." Well, they just know me too well. "Uh-huh Mrs. Smith! You always say that! We ARE going to have fun today and you're just tricking us!" Oh goodie...We pulled out our science journals, we experimented, we shouted and there was a whole lot of laughing...it was a great day. I got so engaged, that we let a few other things fall to the side for the day, but it was worth it!
After school, my mom told me that Adriaan had a fever. Suddenly, NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. I panicked and my mind raced. Does he have the flu, is it a side effect for that new medicine, is he just teething?
When Adriaan was diagnosed with CF, my world stopped and nothing else mattered. I remember walking out of Primary's embarrassed, because of how much I was crying. I prayed that I wouldn't see anyone that I knew, because I did not want to talk.
I have since picked up the shattered pieces of my old expectations and I have learned to find a new norm. When I was at my lowest point, where my worries and troubles physically weighed me down, I found a way out. I remember going to bed late, waking up several times to feed the baby through the night, and setting my alarm for 5am the next day. I carried the carseat back and forth. I went to work day in and day out. I was stretched and wearing thin. Josh and I got a babysitter and went to the temple. There, I found the peace and healing that I so desired, but had been too foolish not to ask for.
It's hard for me to write these things, because most days I can't even remember the sadness and brief depression that I went through. That my friends, is how amazing the Atonement is. I still go to bed late, feed the baby during the night, set my alarm for 5am, carry the carseat back and forth, and go to work day in and day out. But this time around, I have chosen to allow healing in my life, and I am not alone with that enormous burden that once physically and literally weighed me down.
After school, my mom told me that Adriaan had a fever. Suddenly, NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. I panicked and my mind raced. Does he have the flu, is it a side effect for that new medicine, is he just teething?
When Adriaan was diagnosed with CF, my world stopped and nothing else mattered. I remember walking out of Primary's embarrassed, because of how much I was crying. I prayed that I wouldn't see anyone that I knew, because I did not want to talk.
I have since picked up the shattered pieces of my old expectations and I have learned to find a new norm. When I was at my lowest point, where my worries and troubles physically weighed me down, I found a way out. I remember going to bed late, waking up several times to feed the baby through the night, and setting my alarm for 5am the next day. I carried the carseat back and forth. I went to work day in and day out. I was stretched and wearing thin. Josh and I got a babysitter and went to the temple. There, I found the peace and healing that I so desired, but had been too foolish not to ask for.
It's hard for me to write these things, because most days I can't even remember the sadness and brief depression that I went through. That my friends, is how amazing the Atonement is. I still go to bed late, feed the baby during the night, set my alarm for 5am, carry the carseat back and forth, and go to work day in and day out. But this time around, I have chosen to allow healing in my life, and I am not alone with that enormous burden that once physically and literally weighed me down.
Sweet post my dear! Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts! Adriaan is so lucky to have so many people that love him! Keep on, keeping on!
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